This time last year, Chuq and I were just outside of Eureka, having made a run from a snow-covered Portland. We loaded up on jerky and Pepsi, hoping to make it to SJC that night. No such luck--the storm that nailed Portland caught up to us while we drove through the Mendocino range, and we ended up holing up at a motel whose major advantage was that it was open, after grabbing dinner from the local Taco Bell.
Things are going to be much better this year. Right off the bat, we're *already* in SJC.
The New York Times (also printed in the International Herald Tribune) had a piece on 12/27 about the "Determined Detractor", or those people who just seem to have it in for the company, and who spare no cycles to do so.
This isn't new. This is really, really *not* new. This has been going on since someone has been able to apply some method of communication towards something they didn't like, felt slighted by, or was the focus of their psychotic break with reality of the moment. It's just that they're now as likely to use a blog as a mimeograph to express their displeasure.
And they aren't all amateurs. Over in Backup Brain Dori Smith is rightfully ripping the snot of out Dvorak's latest protracted whine about Apple. Dvorak has been at this for so long he likely lists it as his profession on his annual 1040-EZ. I don't know who at Apple pissed on his Wheaties, or whatever set him off, but it's so buried in antiquity that it's somewhere close to the Byzantine Schism on the historic timeline.
Back in a previous life, I used to have to deal with the "determined detractor" set, mostly to find out who they really were, and possibly get a way of contacting them. Of course, that was usually after they either wandered into libel, or threatened bodily harm to someone in the executive wing.
A word to those who might decide to partake in this--if you're going to post to Usenet, and you want to stay anonymous, using the same pseudonym and obfuscated email address, along with a .signature file with your real name over in the GI Joe reseller Usenet group just does nothing for your anonymity over in comp.sys.mac.* land. Especially if you're been using that reply to address previously *in* comp.sys.mac.*.
I found that most of the people I chased after fell into a few camps:
1. "God told me". Remember those people who keep trying to nail P&G over the "satanic symbols" in their logo? And how they traced back to someone in a trailer park in Florida who was obviously not operating on full wattage? Other than computers likely not destroying as many brain and liver cells as mimeo, it's the same thing. When you have this type, you get to be really good friends with the state attorney general's office where this is orginating from. And the SAG's office just *loves* adding your complaint to the file. They've been dealing with these people for years. And sometimes this bunch comes in "vexatious litigant" flavour, with the "in penurious" cherry on top.
You just deal with damage control with these people, and keep them in the tickler file. They pop up on schedule, just like the alewives on Chicago beaches.
2. "Jr Extortionist". They want something, prefereably a free copy of your product, to shut up and go away. This is where your friend, the private investigator, comes in handy, although these people will usually leave an electronic trail as well. But nothing beats a quick phone call to find out that little Johnny has been shaking down the industry for a good five years now. These people are expert at playing the press like a harp, even after you've called up the TV people who put little Johnny on the 11 o'clock news with his complaints, and pointed out that he has a history that would make an experienced grifter green with envy.
A flavour of this was little Johnny squatting on a couple dozen of close approximations of the corporate name (where the heck is he getting all the cash to register these names? Is he getting regular payoffs to keep his trap shut?), and going into the protracted "that big company is beating on me!" wail when he gets the first, usually quite polite, offer to buy him out. He may not even have bothered to put up a web page for the site--not that the media would go and check, the idiots--but he had all the local network affiliates on speed dial.
His parents are usually missing in action, either physically, or mentally.
3. "I love "splah" so much I had to rip it in the press!" crowd. We had a bunch of these, and they were also primo at contacting the media. In fact, a number of them reached quasi-professional status before the disappeared from the scene. No matter what you do, or what the laws of physics say you can do, they want the product cheaper, and with more features than it can hold.
(note--they never *ever* have an industry job. If they have a computer-based job at all, they're going to be the satellite lab manager at the local JC. A number of them didn't appear to have any other means of support other than being a professional student. If they were really good at the whinge and moan, they could make a few bucks by doing the convention circuit.)
Besides having an amazingly poor grip on the realities of cranking a product, they are usually absolutely abysmal at predicting the market. Time and again, they would rail against where the product line was headed, only to be proven wrong each time. Someone out there has a short memory. It sure as heck wasn't the company.
Also, when they were contacted by the company to have a chat--not with the lawyers--usually a "hey we'll be at splah, where you'll be speaking--want to get together?" deal--they either freak and run, or meet with you and lie like dogs about it to their audience afterwards. It only takes once to know what you're dealing with. Yeah, you've burnt an evening and $100 on someone with highly questionable table manners, but you know....
So, what should companies do, now that the technology keeps moving forward, even though the message and the messengers remain distressingly the same?
It's still the same--know who they are, where they are coming from, and are they more than random blasts of hot air. The actually clueful will appear from the morass, because they usually have some logic and knowledge behind their statements, and not just their personal opinion. They also won't be constantly on the attack--if they hate your stuff so much, why the heck do they keep buying it?
And who are they talking to? Is the their personal fan club and the local media? And what does that mean to your marketing and advertising? Likely not a lot, especially if the fan club won't be buying your product anyway. And unless you have a media person who's on an ill-informed crusade to win a prize, you can usually handle them by supplying the truth.
So, with the "determined detractors", it pays to know who they are, what's their history and motivators, and file accordingly.
You should always have an "oh shit" damage control, no matter what. You'll use it sooner or later.
And keep the usual legal people on speed dial--sooner or later, you'll be talking to them....
You know what I'm talking about--the ones that deal with group behaviour models, specifically what to do about the person who's giving everyone else agita?
I was doing a quick survey of the pop lit tonight, and they are still dealing with "how you can deal with the person who is making everyone else around them miserable". And they all have the "Oh, everyone has a key to them that works, and that's all you have to find. Everyone is really interested in what's best, they just have different "working styles"."
What utter and complete bullshit!
It was over 20 years ago, when I was in grad school v1.0, and we were working on a group dynamic theory that we called (internally, of course) "the asshole factor". It stated that as a group size approached 10, the chance that someone would be in the group whose express purpose in life was to fuck things up for everyone else approached 100%.
Wake up! There are jerks in the world! And trying to find out what motivates them (this was in an area of I/O psych that dealt with motivations) and then work with it is a waste of everyone's time. They aren't misunderstood, they aren't "working a different way"--they're just people who deal with things by causing as much pain and chaos as possible.
And it isn't up to you to provide them 20 years of analysis at the expense of your own happiness, just to try and keep things together.
I'm going to write a book entitled ""Let's blow this ice cream stand": When to get out", and it's going to be all about how to recognize poisonous personalities, and when to know it's time to leave and let someone else deal with the mess. I'll sell a bazillion copies to all the people who need to know it's okay to dump the steaming heap in the lap of the people who *could* do something about the problem, but it's so much easier to let it ride and have everyone else try to keep things going.
Here--cut this out and put it in your wallet:
Yes! This is your permission! You can bug out *now*!!! Stop feeling so guilty about something that isn't your fault. There is no grand cosmic entity demanding you have to stick around--just *leave*!
In addition to the WPIX Yule Log (how many stations do that these days?), WGN TV is also including some really old animation:
Note--on my browser, the audio didn't track with the video. That leaves you with about a minute of silent animation after the track ends. Oddly enough, it doesn't detract from the experience.
Is is my imagination, or is Santa in "Hardrock, Coco, and Joe" in desperate need of Atarax and an epi-pen? Poor guy looks like he lost a fight with a bee swarm.
Suzy Snowflake is a serial killer whose MO involves smothering her victims in piles of snow, and then leaving them dressed as snowmen. Having finished her night's work, she takes off to the forest to plan her next night's crimes.
Frosty the snowman comes to life after what looks like something that was dreamed up after watching a performance of "The Rite of Spring". After doing the usual song and dance Frosty attempts to lead the children out of town, ala a frozen pied piper. Luckily, police intervention keeps the children from being abducted, and his former captives cheering, Frosty skips town.
Seriously bad Christmas craziness from the nice people at WGN
Just saw the CBS blurb for numb3rs, which, as the blurb says:
"FBI Special Agent Don Eppes recruits his genius brother Charlie, who uses a mathematical equation to identify the killer's point of origin by working back from the crime scene locations. "
So, what are we talking about here--stochastic behavioural modelling or algebraic topology?
And from the commercial, it looks like the poor guy is stuck teaching gut math to the people who topped out at junior high Algebra. Or maybe that's where the writers topped out.
Oh well--if it makes math less "icky", it's a net positive.
There is nothing like being the last one standing on the day before holiday shutdown, and I hope most of you never have to deal with it. I've had good training for this--most of my classes at Purdue had Saturday finals, and I was inevitably there until after shutdown. At least at work, I don't have to worry about the hot water being turned off.
But this does involve getting lunch. If I have the time, it's off to bento. If I remember, and have stuff in the fridge, it's leftovers. Since I was cleaning things out in the kitchen, that was out. So, with no time, and no plannning ahead, it was off to the cafeteria.
Trying to find something edible at the cafeteria just before a shutdown is always an adventure. No,it doesn't have the "we're closing the dorm for the summer" weirdness from university, nor does it have the finality of the "we're moving out of the building" bizarre combinations, but it gets pretty weird
I should have known when I saw the "chicken, spinach and raspberry dressing" salad that was featured the day before--featuring a pile of raw spinach, a chicken breast on top of it, and a package of reaspberry dressing on the side--that things were going to be interesting.
So, the soup selection--"vegetable pasta soup with barley", featuring, not one, not two, but three starches--they threw potatoes into the mix as well. And then the "pasta e fagiole" soup. I have never seen a "pasta e fagiole" soup recipe that had a cheese base. I have especially not seen one that did that with what appeared to have been repurposed from a canadian cheese soup served earlier. Throw random veggied and pasta in, and there you go. However, no beans. Um, guys--fagioli means "beans" in Italian.
The beans were in the chili, though. It looks like they just kept adding more beans to the mix as the week went on. As far as I could tell, it was now an archeological expedition into beans.
Salads included the aforementioned "chicken and spinach", and two variations on caesar salads. And the entree was definitely a "there's stuff in the fridge--make a sandwich", because it was a "make your own sandwich" bar.
The pizza slices were too scary looking to investigate further--I've found that the descriptions that the cafeteria gives aren't what one might call accurate.
But by close-down, there wasn't much that the cafeteria had to worry about.
Saying that with my best Billy Burke voice....
I had some time today to wander through the junk file and clean things up. While mail.app is doing an admirable job of keeping the rolex and porn ads from my main mailbox, sometimes stuff I want to see gets caught in the net as well.
So I was picking my way through the junk mailbox today, and noticed what looked oddly enough like religious spam. A quick text search later, and I had five emails from the past two months, all of which appeared to be follow-up emails from LDS, um, missionaries (lack of a better term here), wanting me to send them more info so they could send me a nice copy of The Book of Mormon and perhaps have someone start up a dialogue.
Okay...
My first thought, after looking at all of these, was "whoa, that's some pretty interesting phishing going on here". A run through the raw source, and a quick run through search engines indicated that these were legit.
And polite--very polite. And really, really nice.
Now, I've been baptized Catholic, and then baptized Presbyterian (A long story, and since I wasn't exactly paying attention at the time, something I know only through third party accounts). I'm really not interested in pulling off a religious Trifecta at this point.
But at this point, I'm not sure if I've ended up on a mailing list, someone is making a comment, or someone needs to talk to me.
Just received email with a "what do you mean, your people won't be working over the shutdown? How are we supposed to get ahold of them if we have a question?" Not that we had to *do* anything, but that we were supposed to sit around here all day during shutdown, you know, just in case....
At 2PM/PT. On the last day before shutdown.
Well, boyo, you can call the nice people at internal support, just like anyone would do, and they'll page someone.
Scoble keeps up the discussion on WM, iPods, and such...
One of the essential differences between marketing and sales is when and what information is gathered. Marketing will go out a lot earlier in the process, tap the potential customer base, and grab as much data as they possibly can. Any data that turns into information is even more golden. Even the flaming is useful stuff. All that can be turned around into future products, positioning, and branding
And sales? After marketing and engineering have (hopefully) done their magic, people like me get to take a look at the potential audience and try to figure out how to sell those bad boys to them. And more importantly, make that nth sale to customers. If we can't bring them back for more, it's bzzt--game over, take your Rice-a-Roni and *go home*. That's why sales will ask the questions pre and post sales, and the questions coming from sales will usually be a lot more pointed.
And that iinfo goes back into products for the next round.
As Engadget reports, the FCC is once again considering dropping the ban on cellphones in flight.
And those of us who fly great bunches are swapping between teeth grinding and shrieking.
First, think of how obnoxious it is to have someone close to you yakking at 110dB on their cellphone to who knows who. Chances for gathering industrial intelligence aside, it's really, really annoying.
Now think of dozens of these yobbos going at it in the tiny metal tube we lovingly call a Boeing 737. For two hours. Or more. My iPod earbuds managed to blunt a very unhappy two year old on my last flight to SJC, but that was just one kid.
And the flight attendants--I'm off the plane in two hours. They wait 30 minutes and then they're off on the turnaround to SEA. They'd either be homicidal or medicated after a couple of turns.
And personally? Besides the lack of chattering, I enjoy that for a couple of hours, work can't get to me. Sometimes, it's the only chance I have to get some serious work done. I don't want that taken away.
Let's face it-- Santa is right up there with clowns in his ability to absolutely terrify small children.
I've been reading Scoble's, um urgent suggestions , (okay, they aren't rants, but Scoble's being really direct about this) on Microsoft and dealing with marketing and producing something to compete with iPods.
I feel your pain, guy--I've had more than a few "jump up and down and yell to get someone's attention" and "hey--fish or cut bait" moments of late with people and groups who aren't in my area of purview, but who need to hear the message.
I need to get to a Geek Dinner the next time I'm in Seattle, although it seems like every time I'm up there, Scoble's down here in the valley. I think we could have waved to each other from our respective ASA 3** flights.
And I'm waiting to see what happens next....
This is a good pseudo-documentary of the future of print vs generated media, as well as statement on ironic wish fulfillment
Definitely a success, by any measure. The nanaimo bars were devoured--the fior di sicilia instead of vanilla as the flavour for the middle layer was definitely a hit.
At the end of the exchange, I ended up with a "grow an amaryllis" kit, which I've already started. I figure it ought to be in full bloom in time for Valentine's Day, which will be especially nice.
There were two "contributions" to the gift exchange that were passed the maximum times--a "lavalamp" nightlight that looked vaguely obscene (people kept asking if it came with batteries), and a "Singing Snowman" that moved (shook or wiggled might be a better description) and sang "Singing in the rain". Badly.
There's something vaguely disturbing about a snowman singing and dancing in the rain....
This time of year, a lot of places are doing the white elephant gift exchanges.
Now, there are white elephant exchanges, and then there are *WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGES*. Back when I worked for the fruit company, I spent some time in the electrical CAD group. We held our holiday parties off-site, usually at the clubhouse in someone's condo complex.
There was a good reason for this. One, we tended to imbibe more than a bit at these affairs, and two, the exchange usually involved items that were less than, um, politically correct.
There was the year that the CAD library manager's brother took the taxidermy course. Part of his coursework included a stuffed pigeon. That pigeon became the highlight of a number of gift exchanges, and usually ended up perched over an office door.
Then there was the lovely copy of "Sexual Trivial Pursuit", which was usually boxed up in increasingly interesting ways, as to fool anyone as to what was in the box. The increasingly ratty game made multiple appearances before it finally disappeared from view.
And the unforgettable: We were having the holiday part definitely off campus, and in the spirit of the season, invited the finance and HR reps as well. We were well into the exchange when a nicely wrapped box was selected by the HR rep.
...Did you ever have a dept saying? Like a phrase that you'd say when it was really obvious that you were going to be stuck doing something less than pleasant for the cause? Well, yeah, we had one....
The nice HR rep unwrapped the box, and found a plastic case inside. And in that case were 95 spent shell-casings...
...and one live bullet.
The dept manager just about died. The HR manager just about died. The guy who provided the gift just about died. And then they all laughed like maniacs.
And "take one for the group" took on a whole new meaning
If it's time for the dept pot-luck, it's time for nanaimo bars! Looks like this is now an annual even, and a chance for me to feed *way* too much sugar to IT mgmt.
For those of you who have never made nor seen nanaimo bars before, I'm going to share this year's recipe.
Some good things about nanaimo bars:
1. Even though you have wait states between layers, you can just put what you have currently assembled into the fridge or freezer and take it out whenever
2. Cover them with plastic wrap, and freeze them for a week before you need to bring them in. No worries about putting something together the night before the potluck.
3. There's nothing special in the cookies, unless you count the Byrd's custard powder, and I'm seeing that in Safeway these days. Between the Byrd's, the Nutella and the Ribena, it's getting absolutely cosmopolitan out there in supermarket land!
4. People absolutely freak over these cookies.
So.....
What you will need:
Byrd's custard powder. The smallest package I've seen is 4 packets, so you can use it to make pseudo-trifles when you're done. If you're feeling sorry for your diabetic friends (there is no way to make these cookies even remotely sugar-free), Byrd's custard power is an excellent base for sugar-free puddings of various sorts.
Graham crackers and Nabsco (ooh, Mr Christie! for north of 49th) "Famous Wafers"--enough for 3 cups of crumbs. This is where I make my break with orthodoxy. I like the chocolate wafers more than adding cocoa powder to the graham cracker crumbs. I'll even make the cookies with all wafers.
Chopped walnuts--enough for 1 cup finely chopped
Flaked coconut--enough for 2 cups
Powdered/icing sugar--4 cups. Note that the standard box will get you 3 3/4 cups. There's a conspiracy here....
Granulated sugar--1/2 cup
2 bags chocolate chips, amounting to about 16 oz or 500g. I like a half and half of milk chocolate and semi-sweet. Use something *good*, not some cheap waxy stuff.
White chocolate doesn't cut it, but if you have some, it's nice to drizzle some melted white on the top layer.
1lb butter, unsalted
2 eggs. Yeah, you could use egg substitute, but *why*?
1/4 cup milk
1 tsp "fior di sicilia" extract. This has an amazing citrus/vanilla taste to it. I've also used raspberry extract (the good stuff) as well.
parchment paper, plastic wrap and a nice throwaway aluminium 9x13 pan
The usual mixing and measuring stuff, an oven, and a fridge
so....
Heat the oven to 350F/180C
Cut enough parchment paper to line the pan with about 2in/4cm beyond the top. Put a dot of butter on the bottom of the pan as a grab if the paper fights back.
Take 1 cup of butter, put it into a 2 cup heat resistant, non-metallic measuring cup, and stick it in the microwave for 30 seconds on high. The butter should melt, but not be molten.
Take out whatever you use for mixing, a largeish bowl, and add 2 eggs. Beat the eggs. Add the 1/2 cup of sugar. Continue beating. Add the melted, but not hot butter. Now slowly add the crumbs, the coconut, and the walnuts. At some point, you will want to mix by hand. The final mix should be fairly stiff.
Take the fix and dump into the parchment lined pan. Spread it around until it covers the bottom of the pan evenly, and pop in the oven for 12-15 minutes. It should set up, but not be hard when it comes out of the oven. Put the pan on a rack to cool.
Now you can start on the second layer. Mix up the powdered sugar and Byrd's custard powder. The Byrd's will make the filling an interesting butter-yellow colour.
Retrieve the measuing cup and put a 1/3 cup of butter in it. Melt it in the microwave. Once again, melted, but not hot.
Take out another smaller measuring cup and measure out 1/3 C of milk. Add the 1 tsp pf fior di sicilia to it. Add the mix to the powdered sugar and start mixing like mad. Then add the melted butter and keep mixing. You'll end up with darn close to buttercream frosting.
If the bottom layer is fully cooled, frost the layer with the mix. Otherwise, cover the bowl with some plastic wrap and stick it in the fridge. The bottom layer *has* to be cooled, or the second layer will melt right in. Not what you want.
Take the two layers and stick in the fridge for at least 45 minutes. You really want this cold for the final layer. Really. Use the time to clean things up.
Once you're sure that things have cooled down, take out another microwaveable bowl (see--if you have cleaned the other bowls, you can reuse!), another 4 TB of the butter, and the chocolate chips. Pour in the chips, and add in the butter in chunks.
Put the bowl into the microwave, and heat it about 20 seconds at a time. Take out the chocolate/butter mix, stir it, and put in back in until the chocolate is completely melted. It should act like somewhere between frosting and ganache.
Take the pan with the two layers out of the fridge, and add the chocolate to the top. If you're feeling like gilding the lily, you can chill the whole mixture and drizzle white chocolate over the top. If you're saving this for later, wrap up the whole beast in good quality plastic wrap or foil, and you can put it in the freezer until the morning of the potluck.
When it defrosts, either cut it in small (it may be close to cube-shaped if you cut it in 1 inch pieces) pieces, or let the engineers decide how wired they want to be that afternoon.
Watch your co-workers freak. Smile politely.
When the first thing you do upon awakening is pop your toes back into joint....